Birch Tree Jelly

It's Hard Work Being a Baby

2008-08-05T21:54:00.000-04:00

Whew! I'm beat. Think I'll take a little nap here before I continue with my busy day. . .

Good Times

2008-05-22T21:14:00.002-04:00

Does anyone remember the Good Times virus? Or, the virus hoax, I should say. Back in the early days of the Internet, I was an AOL user, and there was a virus warning e-mail that a lot of people forwarded around. Supposedly, all you had to do was just read the "infected" Good Times e-mail and your hard drive would be erased, or some other nonsense.

After a while, AOL and others started getting the word out that there was never any virus called Good Times, and that no virus code can execute on your machine simply by reading an e-mail. (You have to click on a link, or download an infected file.)

I've seen that Internet virus hoaxes are alive and well these past few years. I will sometimes point my family or friends to www.snopes.com when they inadvertantly pass on an urban legend or virus hoax. I've found Snopes pretty reliable.

I leave you with a funny thing I came across years ago. It's related to the Good Times virus hoax, but I think you could apply it to a lot of these hoaxes going around today. I had saved this off as a text file, and I just found it in my archives. The file's time stamp is 1997, so this goes back a ways. Enjoy!

READ THIS:

Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.

It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them that would make a horsehead in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.

So there, take that Good Times.

(Author Unknown)

Mmm. . .

2008-04-29T22:55:00.002-04:00

Ooh. . . I see something yummy for dinner. . .

Hey, this tastes great!

2008-03-18T22:53:00.002-04:00

It's so much fun watching Lucas discover things. Life is so fresh and new when viewed from his perspective.

He discovered his hands not too long ago. They taste great, and are low on calories, too! :)

Wacky for Wiki

2008-02-27T21:26:00.002-05:00

I love wiki.

I've just started using wiki pages at work. Totally awesome. It's the information-sharing tool I've always dreamed of. I've used wikipedia before, of course, but wiki pages are a different animal when used on a smaller scale. It's terrific for teams to do brain-dumps without having to know the technical details of HTML or other web publishing stuff. And totally searchable. . . that's key! It's just awesome.

Roll with it, baby

2008-02-20T21:19:00.005-05:00

Lucas is attempting to get rollin'. Here he is with Grandma B. attempting a full roll.

He didn't get all the way over, but he's gettin' there! Pretty soon he'll be walking, talking, eating cheeseburgers. . .

Our New Addition

2008-01-03T20:48:00.000-05:00

My wife and I had our first child in November. His name is Lucas. It's been quite the experience! We heard all the stories about being parents: the lack of sleep, the worrying, etc. But I'll tell you what, nothing can prepare you for it. But, the experience is also super-awesome, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. :)

Here he is, fresh from taking a bath (held by his beautiful mommy). He's wearing that cool type of towel with a hood to keep him warm. It reminds me of a boxer getting ready for the ring.

Travelin' the Andes

2007-12-18T22:55:00.000-05:00

Since I'm in the mood for mountain photos, here are some others I took while traveling in Bolivia in May, 2005.

I was staying in La Paz, and then traveled down to Los Yungas to a resort named Rio Selva (in Coroico). We drove down in a minibus on a crazy mountain road which is sometimes referred to as the "Death Road" because it's supposed to be the most hazardous road in the world. It's essentially a dirt road with no guard rails, and you are thousands of feet up in the Andes mountains!

Luckily, I was unaware of this road's death toll during the trip, or else I may have opted for a different trip! The road is just a regular thing for people who live there. It actually wasn't until I got back to the US that I heard about a Discovery channel or National Geographic special about Bolivia's death road, and then I started putting two and two together. . . :)

The scenery was gorgeous. When I get a chance, I'll post more photos of that trip. Lots of great things to see up at 11,000 ft.

Wright Mtn.

2007-12-16T20:48:00.001-05:00

Here's a golden gem I just came across. A picture of Wright Mtn., taken from Algonquin Mtn. (by yours truly) while hiking in the Adirondacks of NY on Columbus Day weekend, 2001. It's one of my favorite photos to use for desktop wallpaper.

Even though it was Autumn, it was cold! If you look at the trees near the bottom of the photo, you'll see ice on them. (If you look closer, you might see Dan, too.)

First snow

2007-12-11T23:48:00.000-05:00

The first snow of the season! (I hear the Trans Siberian Orchestra song "First Snow" in my head.)

The Italian Tomato Garden

2005-11-03T21:58:00.000-05:00

Most of the e-mails I get forwarded are pretty forgetable. Some are mildly funny, and some are just wrong. But every once in a while, I get a really funny one! Here's a recent favorite of mine.
------

An old Italian man lived alone in the country.
He wanted to dig his tomato garden,
but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able
to plant my tomato garden this year.
I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.
If you were here my troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden.
That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning,
FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie

No Language Barrier

2005-08-01T23:50:00.000-04:00

Did you ever notice that babies always cry the same way, regardless of their country of origin? It seems that at the infant stage, babies all speak the same language.

The Origins of Fashion

2005-07-17T11:21:00.000-04:00

I have two possible theories about the origin of fashion. One is "the accident theory." Someone dresses up different one day, for no particular reason. Maybe they tilted their hat sideways to block the sun. Maybe they wore their pajamas outside the house because they had no clean clothes (or their friends dared them to). They get noticed by some others when they go out, and those others think, "Look at them! I want to wear that cutting edge fashion, too." The others copy, or adapt the accidental ensemble, and then it spreads. After enough people do it, it becomes noted in a magazine and it is now a "trend," or a "craze," or "fashion."

Theory #2 is the "I gotta be me" approach. Someone with a strong, independent, non-conformist attitude purposely tries something new - mostly to stand out. They like to be noticed, and like to be different. The same thing described above happens: they get noticed, and they get copied.

The reality is, maybe fashion is caused by a combination of these two theories. But, I'm still happy with the jeans and t-shirt style so I'm probably not the best authority on this subject. :)

All Four Stanzas - Do you know them all?

2005-07-04T23:21:00.000-04:00

This is pretty neat. I never knew all 4 stanzas to the "Star Spangled Banner." I actually didn't even know that there were 4 stanzas! Plus, I've always loved Isaac Asimov as an author. Interesting that he is the source of this info. Then again, he was an interesting guy.

------------------------------------

ALL FOUR STANZAS By Isaac Asimov

Introductory Note. Unless you're already well acquainted with our
"national anthem," this interesting piece by the late Isaac Asimov will be
an eye-opener. It was for me. It's especially appropriate at a time when
there is much talk of tossing out this difficult-to-sing and
difficult-to-comprehend old song in favor of something that better suits
Ray Charles' voice. You'll understand the song much better after you read
Mr. Asimov's explanation. --Hardly Waite, Gazette Senior Editor.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have a weakness--I am crazy, absolutely nuts, about our National Anthem.

The words are difficult and the tune is almost impossible, but frequently
when I'm taking a shower I sing it with as much power and emotion as I
can. It shakes me up every time.

I was once asked to speak at a luncheon. Taking my life in my hands, I
announced I was going to sing our national anthem--all four stanzas.

This was greeted with loud groans. One man closed the door to the kitchen,
where the noise of dishes and cutlery was loud and distracting. "Thanks,
Herb," I said.

"That's all right," he said. "It was at the request of the kitchen staff."

I explained the background of the anthem and then sang all four stanzas.

Let me tell you, those people had never heard it before--or had never
really listened. I got a standing ovation. But it was not me; it was the
anthem.

More recently, while conducting a seminar, I told my students the story of
the anthem and sang all four stanzas. Again there was a wild ovation and
prolonged applause. And again, it was the anthem and not me.

So now let me tell you how it came to be written.

In 1812, the United States went to war with Great Britain, primarily over
freedom of the seas. We were in the right. For two years, we held off the
British, even though we were still a rather weak country. Great Britain
was in a life and death struggle with Napoleon. In fact, just as the
United States declared war, Napoleon marched off to invade Russia. If he
won, as everyone expected, he would control Europe, and Great Britain
would be isolated. It was no time for her to be involved in an American
war.

At first, our seamen proved better than the British. After we won a battle
on Lake Erie in 1813, the American commander, Oliver Hazard Perry, sent
the message "We have met the enemy and they are ours." However, the weight
of the British navy beat down our ships eventually. New England, hard-hit
by a tightening blockade, threatened secession.

Meanwhile, Napoleon was beaten in Russia and in 1814 was forced to
abdicate. Great Britain now turned its attention to the United States,
launching a three-pronged attack. The northern prong was to come down Lake
Champlain toward New York and seize parts of New England. The southern
prong was to go up the Mississippi, take New Orleans and paralyze the
west. The central prong was to head for the mid-Atlantic states and then
attack Baltimore, the greatest port south of New York. If Baltimore was
taken, the nation, which still hugged the Atlantic coast, could be split
in two. The fate of the United States, then, rested to a large extent on
the success or failure of the central prong.

The British reached the American coast, and on August 24, 1814, took
Washington, D. C. Then they moved up the Chesapeake Bay toward Baltimore.
On September 12, they arrived and found 1000 men in Fort McHenry, whose
guns controlled the harbor. If the British wished to take Baltimore, they
would have to take the fort.

On one of the British ships was an aged physician, William Beanes, who had
been arrested in Maryland and brought along as a prisoner. Francis Scott
Key, a lawyer and friend of the physician, had come to the ship to
negotiate his release. The British captain was willing, but the two
Americans would have to wait. It was now the night of September 13, and
the bombardment of Fort McHenry was about to start.

As twilight deepened, Key and Beanes saw the American flag flying over
Fort McHenry. Through the night, they heard bombs bursting and saw the red
glare of rockets. They knew the fort was resisting and the American flag
was still flying. But toward morning the bombardment ceased, and a dread
silence fell. Either Fort McHenry had surrendered and the British flag
flew above it, or the bombardment had failed and the American flag still
flew.

As dawn began to brighten the eastern sky, Key and Beanes stared out at
the fort, trying to see which flag flew over it. He and the physician must
have asked each other over and over, "Can you see the flag?"

After it was all finished, Key wrote a four stanza poem telling the events
of the night. Called "The Defence of Fort M'Henry," it was published in
newspapers and swept the nation. Someone noted that the words fit an old
English tune called "To Anacreon in Heaven" --a difficult melody with an
uncomfortably large vocal range. For obvious reasons, Key's work became
known as "The Star Spangled Banner," and in 1931 Congress declared it the
official anthem of the United States.

Now that you know the story, here are the words. Presumably, the old
doctor is speaking. This is what he asks Key:

Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

"Ramparts," in case you don't know, are the protective walls or other
elevations that surround a fort. The first stanza asks a question. The
second gives an answer:

On the shore, dimly seen thro' the mist of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream
'Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

"The towering steep" is again, the ramparts. The bombardment has failed,
and the British can do nothing more but sail away, their mission a failure.

In the third stanza, I feel Key allows himself to gloat over the American
triumph. In the aftermath of the bombardment, Key probably was in no mood
to act otherwise.

During World War II, when the British were our staunchest allies, this
third stanza was not sung. However, I know it, so here it is:

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The fourth stanza, a pious hope for the future, should be sung more slowly
than the other three and with even deeper feeling:

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation,
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n - rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto--"In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I hope you will look at the national anthem with new eyes. Listen to it,
the next time you have a chance, with new ears.

And don't let them ever take it away.

--Isaac Asimov

First post!

2005-07-02T03:36:00.000-04:00

Hello all!

This is my first official post to Birch Tree Jelly! Talk to ya soon!